Boys Working Together at NYCDA

I am happy to report that Julian had a blast at the NYCDA convention despite his reluctance to go. He loved the teachers, the choreography and the competition.

I had a blast, although I was only there on Saturday night for the competition and on Sunday, and here’s why: I had such fun watching the boys prepare for and perform their “part” in the ballet class taught by Duncan Cooper. He had choreographed a special part just for the boys, which Julian thought was totally awesome — both the choreography and the fact that the boys had a part of their own. And during the class on Saturday, the boys congregated at the back of the room and began rehearsing together. They worked and worked and worked…and helped each other. It was not an individual effort but a team effort. Yes, they were each going to be performing the choreography as a solo act — and later auditioning alone (well…in a group but each as an individual), but they practiced it together as if it were a group performance. And that made their performance really something special. Some of the boys even shook hands at the end as they stood at the edge of the stage to allow the judges to write down their numbers (or not). It was awesome.

I commend Duncan Cooper….and the boys. Well done!

Also, I was thrilled that Julian seemed to have found something within that changed his dancing this weekend. He used his upper body better and was much more expressive with his dancing. He even said that he felt so much better in general about his performance. In fact, here told me several times how happy he was because of the way he had danced.  He felt he had made a huge step forward in his ability. He did receive a scholarship and felt proud to have been complimented by two teachers, but he said this was nothing compared to what he himself felt about what he had achieved. Those words, and his sense of pleasure with him self and with his ability, did this mother’s heart good. He finally realized what really matters — and it’s not that piece of paper he had in his hand when he came off stage (and that he may never even use). He even said that the scholarship really didn’t matter to him; he just felt great about how he had danced.

However, Julian hurt his heel dancing on the hard ballroom floor. He has had a problem with his heel before, mostly while he was in the ballet program at Ballet San Jose but not so much since he hasn’t been doing just ballet. The chiropractor said he strained it and should take it easy this week. No jumping or leaping.

Those conventions are really hard on the kids for that reason — the flooring at those hotels is really not suitable for spending hours dancing. I hear all kinds of stories about kids who end up with sore joints and backs afterwards. I suppose there is no where else to hold them, though. Where else could you fit so many kids into a room to dance?

On another subject, I had a great idea — don’t know why I didn’t think of it before — for this blog. For my other blog, www.writenonfictioninnovember.wordpress.com, I ask experts to write guest blogs for me during the month of November. I usually comment on the subject, too, but they offer advice and information. I thought, given that I’m not an expert on dance per se — I’m not even really a parenting expert although I have two kids and two step kids — I’d occasionally ask a dance exert to write a blog for me or to let me interview them. You see, my expertise comes from my experience as a dance mom raising a dancing son and from my research as a journalist and author into the lives of male dancers and into dancing in general. But I’ve never said I have all the answers. I just pose some questions, say what I think and maybe too often tell you what’s going on in my son’s dancing life — and in my life as the mom of a dancing boy.

So, to avoid some of the drivel (which I write when there isn’t much going on)…and to stay with my new focus on bigger topics…I thought I’d let the experts do a little talking now and then. In light of that, this past weekend I asked Joe Lanteri of NYCDA to guest blog for me a few times. (I’m not sure about the topics yet, but I will likely pose the convention choreography one to him.) I also asked NYCDA ballet instructor Duncan Cooper to either write a blog or let me interview him.

If anyone has suggestions on great male dance teachers that I should contact that you feel would be willing and available to write a blog or chat with me by phone, please let me know. If there are male dance teachers — or professional male dancers or older male dancers who feel they have wisdom to share — reading this blog, please contact me as well. And, as always, email me or post comments detailing the types of issues you have with your sons’ dancing or about men/boys who dance, so I can get these experts to address them. You can contact me at cpywrtcom@aol.com.

Recently there have been some people upset with my blog’s focus. I hope everyone will be happy with the new focus. I only want to serve those who read this blog. If you have suggestions on ways for me to improve what I’m doing, please feel free to contact me at cpywrtcom@aol.com.

Getting Ready for Another Convention: NYCDA

I didn’t write this week, because we didn’t have much going on. The company turned its focus to preparing for the NYCDA convention, where they will once again compete.

Julian’s not too excited about going to this convention. He says three in a row was too many. Plus, he wanted to attend a dance the Jewish organization he is just about to join is putting on that night. (Plus, he has a big English assignment due next Friday that he needs to do this weekend, and he won’t have any time until Sunday night. Needless to say, that class is his worst grade…and I won’t tell you how bad.)

Two weeks from now I’m going to take Julian to UCLA to see the dance department. My daughter will be touring the school and the theater department, so Julian will get a college head start and tour the dance department two years early.

While we are in LA, we might see if he can go to Debbie Allen’s dance studio for a class or two. We plan on looking into that this weekend. He won’t be able to make it down there for the tap festival this year, since it conflicts with Julian’s studio’s summer intensive, although we had hoped to go and maybe slip in a class or two with Debbie at that time. Instead, we’ll be at the San Francisco Tap Festival. Probably better for us, since we will have just gotten back from NYC after the American Ballet Theatre summer intensive. (By the way, we are now actively looking for a rental in NYC from June 13 through July 24 or 28. Let me know if you have any leads.)

Other than that, not much new here. I’ve been very busy with work. I’ll try to write more next week. In the meantime, we’re off to another convention bright and early tomorrow…have to be there at 7:45 a.m.

Strong Sense of Self Helps Boys Dance Well

Julian and I had a conversation yesterday about the post I had just written about developmental stages and how they affect dancers.  (He was adamant that I should be writing about him, by the way…) I told him about the girls and boys I most watched at the convention and how I thought their dancing differed from his.  And he made a comment that totally validated what I had been thinking…and writing about.

I said that the girls danced with a lot of confidence.  There was no hesitation in their movements, and their whole body seemed full of energy and attitude. His upper body, however, didn’t have that same look or feel. And he said, “Those girls have an attitude that is like, ‘I know who I am.’ Or ‘This is who I am.’” 

Julian admits that he doesn’t yet have that attitude. In fact, the place that his dancing is weakest is where he carries his lack of confidence: in his arms, his shoulders, and his chest. Not surprisingly, this is the part of the body where many people tend to curve in, slouch, hunch, or in some way fold to protect themselves. It’s also the part of the body that we can “make small” so we won’t be seen, noticed or judged.

So, while a boy like Julian might want to be seen, noticed and acknowledge in the world of dance, his insecurities in other places — like in school (where he has never been totally accepted, has been called “gay,” has been seen as “different,” hasn’t fit in, hasn’t had girls like him, etc.) — have created a pattern in his body of hiding and protecting himself. It seems to me that until he can feel secure about himself — like his female counterparts at TDC, he won’t really shine on the dance floor in the way he would like.

I might note that his lower body is much stronger…

I thought it was interesting that he could see this as well. I have to admit that he didn’t really like hearing it right after the convention. My niece pointed out that he would have heard my words better the day after the convention, so I advise other moms not to be as quick as I was to jump in there to try and offer an opinion. He was much more willing to admit to it and talk about it a few days later.

Again, he is planning to go into the studio alone and find some confidence…find himself. I hope he does.

Do Development Stages Affect Boys’ Dance Ability?

We’re back from The Pulse. Julian is tired, happy to have danced with some great choreographers and to have learned some cool choreography, and a bit disappointed not to have won a scholarship of any sort. I know…I know. The scholarship isn’t important. Tell that to Julian. He had several choreographers talk to him and tell him he was doing a good job, but no real “recognition.” To him that means he isn’t yet good enough.

I attended all of Saturday’s classes and the last class on Sunday. So, while I could only relate what Julian told me after the Nuvo convention, this time I actually analyzed a bit of what was going on when it came to choreography and how the kids interpreted it or “copied” it, and how they were, indeed, getting recognized. And now I can tell you what I think…or what questions came up for me…for whatever that is worth.

First, let me say, that there were some pretty awesome dancers there, especially when it came to the boys. Saturday was almost totally focused on hip hop classes. I thought some of these boys would disappear on Sunday, which seemed mostly focused on contemporary, but when I go there for the last class most of the boys were still in attendance. And most of them were just as good at contemporary as they had been at hip hop. (They did combine the advanced and pro class for that last class that I watched, because they were short one teacher; Mia Michaels was sick and didn’t show. I guess Julian is destined not to dance with her. Instead they had Brian Friedman for a second class.)

So, here’s what I noticed: First, according to Julian and from what I heard while I was in the room, at this convention all the teachers told the attendees to make the dance “their own.” That makes the question from my last post mute. And it gave the kids the freedom to learn the dance and then go beyond the basic movements. Most of the kids, however, did the choreography pretty much as taught. The difference between how one dancer did it and another and who got put on state and who didn’t (and who got scholarships and who didn’t) seemed to me to come down to the amount of energy, feeling, accuracy, and precision in the movements. The kids made it their own not so much through interpretation that changed the choreography in any way but in how much they bent their knees, how much emotion was portrayed in the movement of a head or hand, how quickly their torso moved, etc.

As I watched them move, and as I watched Julian, a question arose in my mind: Is it possible that a boy’s dancing  (or a girl’s) can be inhibited by their developmental stage at any given time? I think the answer is a resounding “yes.” And here’s why.

Let’s take a simple example first. One of the first dances the kids did on Saturday was to a song that was very sexual in nature. It was all about taking a girl home and having her do to the guy what he normally did to her. While the choreography could be done by anyone, the kids who performed it best, did so in a very sexual manner. They had the pelvic thrusts and the sways of the hips and the movements of the hands down the body down to a sexy art. (It’s a bit appalling actually to think that 14 and 15 year olds know how to dance this way…The room was filled with 14-18 year olds.)  More to the point, if a 14 or 15 year old (or 16 or 17 year old) doesn’t have the developmental wherewithal to know how to dance that way — to drum up the feeling to dance that way, they aren’t going to carry off the choreography well. Their performance is going to be missing something that a boy who maybe has had a sexual experience, or whose hormones make him feel sexual or sexy, or who has watched a lot of movies with sex scenes, or who simply is older and can relate to the words of the song will have.  Their movements will belie their knowledge, understanding and depth of feeling, while the other boys movements will be lacking. And I definitely saw some that were lacking in that way…and some that were not.

A less simple example comes when you have a kid whose developmental stage makes him insecure. Take your average freshman in high school, who is trying to fit in, find himself, and discover even a small sense of self-esteem.  The lack of these things will show in their dancing despite any superb technique or ability to mimic choreography or even make it their own. Their performance just won’t be as strong; it will wreak of all those insecurities they carry with them all day long, even if they feel fairly secure on the dance floor. Wherever they carry that insecurity — in their upper bodies, in their arms, in their shoulders — that’s where you’re going to see their dancing falling short and looking weak.

All this to say that the dancers I saw really “hitting it” at the convention seemed to have a maturity about them, a strong sense of self and a confidence that allowed them to carry out the choreography in a way that made you notice them. They were not only really going for it and making sure they got noticed, they were putting their heart and soul into the movements with a true sense of self.

This all became clear to me during the question and answer session. Someone asked what the choreographers looked for when dancers audition for parts in shows. Two choreographers responded. Tyce Diorio said something along these lines: “I look for people who are real individuals.” From this I took him to mean that that sense of individuality and strong sense of self comes through in their dancing.

Laurieann said, “Spirit is like a muscle, and you have to exercise it every day.” As she elaborated on this, what I took away was that as you exercise your spirit, strengthening your ability to bring your spirit forth in your dance (which means bringing more of yourself through your dance), you become a better and more unique dancer.

Both of these pieces of advice require confidence and a strong sense of self. (They don’t require a big ego; in fact, a large ego is usually a symptom of insecurity.) And many young dancers — boys and girls alike — are still trying to find their individuality, struggling against the pressure to conform in order to fit in, and their spirit. Thus, they may not have these qualities yet. They have to find their individuality; they have to know who they are, be okay with themselves, feel good about who they are even if they don’t fit in, even if they are different. They have to like — love — themselves. And then they have to dance in a way that expresses who they are.

I think Julian’s stuck in a developmental stage right now that isn’t helping his dancing. I suggested he go into the studio alone with his music and “find himself.” Actually, during the question and answer session someone asked if dance class or time spent dancing alone benefited a dancer’s education more.  I believe Wade Robson said, “Both are beneficial.” Julian doesn’t spend much time dancing alone.

Now, I’m not sure that dancing alone will help Julian find himself in school or socially, but it’s a start. One area at a time.

And for every boy that is still struggling to find himself, I wonder if the same advice doesn’t apply: Be an individual. Exercise your spirit muscle.  Go into the studio alone and find yourself.

Refocusing on the Real Purpose of This Blog

Thanks to the young man who set me straight today, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my blog today. I’ve been considering who reads it, the affect it has on readers and what I want to write about. In fact, I’ve been remembering the true focus on this blog and how I think I got a bit off track.

When I began blogging about my son and his dancing, the purpose was to shed light on the issues boys in general face in the dance world as well as the issues parents have raising and dealing with boys who dance. I did this, of course, also by discussing Julian, his issues and the issues his father and I face with him. I think, however, I got off track as this blog obtained more readers. I began to feel pressure to blog several times a week…and I didn’t always have a pressing issue to discuss! So, I began talking about petty little issues and daily small items them came up in the life of my dancing son.

Therein lies the problem…when there isn’t much to talk about what do most of us do? We talk about others… (Judaism frowns on this big time. I know that well.) However, I never meant to do this in a hurtful way. I thought I was just talking about my son’s experiences in the world of dance. And I think I was, but possibly I was doing so on occassion with a focus less on the really important issues and more on the daily, humdrum stuff that adolescent or teen boys talk about and stress over. And rather than really analyzing his “stories,” I just blurted them out here, much like he would. I didn’t think about whether or not his “versions” of the stories were tainted by his jealously or his frustration.

So, I’ve gone back and looked at a few more blog posts and tried to be a bit more analytical by inserting a few more “realistic” adult comments to show that I do have some sense of reality. (Actually, I see my son for who he is a lot of the time…also a bit big-headed, not as hard working as he should be, with a lot of as-as-yet-unrealized talent, often annoying, overly sensitive, not living up to his potential…need I go on?) Really…I’m very hard on him, and tend to see more of the negative than the positive, although that doesn’t come through here, I’m sure.

All this to say: I will do better! I will focus on the big issues more of the time!

And, for Julian’s sake, as well as for the other dancers with whom he comes in contact, I will try to not be so specific about the people in his life or about him. I’m actually quiet upset with my self  (Bad Mommy!) for exposing him to whatever will come his way when he runs into the boy whom I upset (and his friends…). I’ve always known that I do, indeed, expose him through this blog, but I’ve never really considered that someone he knows well would read it and what type of ramifications that would have in his life, let alone mine.

So, there’s the lesson for today, parents. Don’t share your son’s words about others…especially in cyberspace! These boys have a hard enough time making it through the day without us (me) making it harder.

I’ve already apologized to one boy today, now I have to apologize to my own…

And from now on I’ll keep in mind that while cyberspace is vast…the world is an ever smaller and smaller place. You never know who you will run into…even here on the Internet (or especially here on the Internet). And while I have been writing for parents, I suppose it was inevitable that eventually kids who knew Julian would show up here to read this blog as well – or their parents.

In Judaism we say people do “teshuvah” at the New Year. The word means “to turn,” as in to turn back to God or to another, better way of being. We repent, in other words. In many ways, today I’ve done teshuvah. I’ve repented and turned back to the original purpose of this blog. Hopefully, that will make it more meaningful and helpful to all readers – young and old.

Convention Choreography: Make it Your Own or Not?

Today I have to admit that I was called to the carpet by a reader, a young man who feels I’ve written about him, and rightly so. I didn’t name him, but I guess he felt “described” well enough for someone to notice. And he also pointed out that I had made a few judgements that might have been uncalled for and inappropriate.

Well…it’s my blog, after all. I can say what I want here, but, as a mom, I don’t want to hurt the feelings of any young male dancers. That, of course, is not my mission. My mission has been to address the issues faced by young male dancers and their parents.

I guess I’ve not really gotten it through my thick head that people are actually reading this blog! When I started, there were so few readers, and now I have a steady following. I now must be more conscious of the fact that when I write about people, they might actually show up here one day…or someone they know might do so. Which doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be honest, but I should be more considerate and conscious of the fact that my words have an affect.

So, I’ve gone back and altered the blog post in question- deleted a few lines that, I agree, were a bit out of line and possibly pointed a finger at him in ways he might not appreciate. I looked over a few others to be sure that I had eliminated any information that might point a finger at any young person in particular.  I even changed a few things I said that I felt could be hurtful in some way.

And I offer here a public apology for any undue stress or upset I might have caused through my “unconscious” writing to this young man or to anyone else for that matter! All I really want to do is help and inform, and I didn’t do a good job of that with that post — or a few others. (I admit I was in a hurry and not really thinking through what I was writing. I’ll  try not to let it happen again!)

That said, I would hasten to bet that Julian is more than a bit appalled a lot of the time about what I write about him here. I reveal way more than he would like, I”m sure, in a very public manner. So, if anyone should be upset, it’s probably him! (I’m actually quite concerned about the repercussions this will have on him…)

As for the second issue this young man raised, I’ll address it, although I did bring it up already once: doing choreography “exactly as taught” or “making it your own.” Maybe it’s appropriate to put this subject up for discussion once more, especially as Julian gets ready to go to The Pulse and as other boys (and girls) are frequenting the spring convention circuit. Plus, it’s always important as our boys audition for anything at all, convention scholarships or parts in productions.

My understanding is that there is an appropriate time to make choreography “your own.”  If you are doing choreography as a group as, lets say, back up for a performing artist, you would all want to do the choreography in the same manner so the group has a uniform affect. This seems to be true for large hip hop groups, like the one I just profiled for Dance Spiritmagazine, Xtreme Dance Force in Naperville, IL.

However, in other pieces where there is room for a bit of individuality – that doesn’t take away from the overall picture (meaning one person’s interpretation of the choreography doesn’t draw your eye away from the other dancers in the ensemble making the piece not feel uniform) – it’s okay to take the choreography and “make it your own.” By this I mean, to make it fit your body and your movements and maybe to even interpret it a bit. I can see this in many modern pieces and tap pieces. For example, I see this at Teen Dance Company when the kids are given lots of different movements to do, each person’s part in the overall peice being fairly unique and different. I also see this in the pieces done by The North Carolina Tap Ensemble, which I also profiled for Dance Spirit, where each tapper does have a bit of a unique style of their own, but it doesn’t take away from the piece as a whole.

I have been told, however, that a dancer doesn’t want his or her moves to be too different from those of the other dancers doing identical, or even similar, choreography; his moves shouldn’t be a lot larger or smaller and they shouldn’t take her too far away or too close to the other dancers. It’s much easier for a dancer to make the moves his or her own when each dancer in a piece has been given a piece of choreography that is a bit different from everyone else’s. When everyone is being asked to do the same exact choreography, that is when it should be done in exactly the same fashion. That’s my understanding at least.

As I mentioned in a previous post, the kids at Teen Dance Company were specifically instructed prior to Nuvo convention notto make the choreography at conventions “their own” but to copy it exactly — meaning crisply, concisely, as taught, without any alterations or creative interpretation on their part. It seemed that students making the choreography their own – not dancing it exactly as taught but interpreting it and being creative with it – were the ones noticed at that particular convention. So, which is the correct tack to take in the convention situation? And which is the correct tack to take in other situations? Any experts care to comment?

Preparing for Going Solo Performance and Copellia

Things are gearing up again. Julian has been practicing an old routine of his from a few years ago called “Hats” for solo studio performance on Thursday. We didn’t realize that he could actually perform in this event, so he didn’t prepare a solo. (We’ll know for next year.) So, he pulled out his very-successful piece, choreographed by ReMinD, otherwise known as Aristan Rinpoyla. When Julian competed this number, he won lots of awards for the unique choreography which is a bit like the movie “Mask;” each time he puts on a new hat, he dances a different type of hip hop.

While those who make the decisions about who performs what at the studio weren’t too keen on Julian doing a hip hop routine, they actually found the choreography “entertaining,” and allowed it into the show. Another point for ReMinD!  Julian has since been trying to get the piece back up to performance level. I’m not sure it will be quite there with just 2 weeks of sporadic rehearsals, but it will be okay.

Tomorrow, he begins rehearsals for Copellia with Los Gatos Ballet. Since tech rehearsals for this productin were in close conflict with Teen Dance Company’s concert tech week, we were afraid he wouldn’t get to do the performance. However, he’s been allowed to do it with the caveat that if his school work starts affecting attendance at TDC, he has to drop out of Copellia.

His grades are getting a bit better, I’m happy to say, and he’s only missed one assignment in 3 weeks or so. However, his honors English grade is in the basement (and that’s putting it really nicely). We’re hoping he brings it up so he doesn’t have to attend summer school. If that happens, he can kiss his ABT summer intensive scholarship and experience goodbye. That would be a shame.

This weekend he is off to The Pulse to dance with the choreographers of So You Think You Can Dance. He’s excited about that. Although he does get to work with Mandy Moore occasionally, and she isn’t with The Pulse, he hasn’t worked with Tyce Diorio, Mia Michaels, Shane Sparks, Brian Friedman, or Wade Robson before.

I’m hoping to get to the convention to watch as well, since I’d like to see these people operate myself. However, my daughter has a synchronized swimming meet on Sunday…Can’t ever be on a different day, can it?…so I’m going to miss a few of these choreographers in action. I’m sure Julian will have a blast, though.

Choreography Roles Cast on “Looks” Versus Ability… Well, Strength.

This has been an easy week, since Julian was still sick and stayed home from dance until time for choreography-again-on Friday and Saturday. Turns out the bronchitis was probably a virus, and it’s taking a long time for the cough to go away. He is still coughing up a storm and two days of choreography didn’t really help. We’ll stick with our herbal supplements and Usana vitamins and hope for the best.

(By the way, if you are looking for the best vitamins on the market, try Usana. Contact my sister-see the link on this blog-and tell her I sent you in the comment box! Julian used to be sick every 6-8 weeks. Then I put him on Usana vitamins. Now he only gets sick about twice a year! The last time he was on an antibiotic for a general virus was last April. I’m not counting that weird episode with relapsing fever, caused by a mouse tick bite, last summer.)

Julian was a bit peeved to discover that the choreography being put on the group of dancers chosen for this particular concert number originally was cast with a male dancer at its center, but instead of using him for this role, teh choreographer chose a girl. This is not the first time that a choreographer has wanted to use someone to do lifts and not even looked at Julian.

He definitely could not have been chosen for this part because of abililty. This particular choreographer is an awesome teacher and choreographer who knows her stuff. He’s lucky to be in her number. Could it also be possible that the problem lies in the fact that Julian is slight. Although he has grown about eight inches since July and is now about 5′6″, he looks slender and weak. The fact of the matter is that he actually is quite strong. Not only has Pilates class each week given him strength (and a 4-pack…), but he has always been pretty strong. He can lift all the girls (including the heavier ones) in the company pretty easily, and he also lifts the girls at Los Gatos Ballet during partnering class with little problem. Yet, he isn’t seen as “strong.”

I wonder how many other young male dancers are seen as “weak” just because they are slender and small? And I wonder why choreographers don’t at least ask them to try a lift before passing over them? Wouldn’t it be appropriate to let them audition for the part? Instead, these boys are possbily being judged on appearances and not being given a chance to show what they can do. I agree with Julian: That doesn’t seem fair — if that’s the case.

But I’m just the mom. What do I know, right?