Tell Me How Your Son Got Interested in Dance and What Keeps Him Interested

I was just asked today to write a short piece for Dance Teacher magazine, and I’d love to get some input from my readers! I’ve done research on this topic before, but I want to hear from you.

Here are my two questions: What got your son interested in dance, and what keeps him interested? As for the second question, I’m interested in knowing what classes he likes the most, what teachers are doing that make class fun for him, what excites him about certain classes, etc. What is it that a particular studio or teacher does that keeps your son going back for more!

The magazine is looking for tips for teachers on how to get those boys into dance class and keep them there. Help me help them!

But do it ASAP. I have to have the story written by next Friday. 

Leave your comments here, please.

My Son’s Adventures in Booty Shorts

Okay, some of you may find this post doesn’t live up to its great title, but I just couldn’t resist after saying that’s what I would write about next! Anyway, here’s the dirt: Julian, much to his dismay, has to wear booty shorts for one of his pieces of choreography during the three performances his company will give this weekend during their show.

He’s never worn booty shorts before. He has flat out refused to have a pair and has had nothing nice to say about them. In other words, booty shorts are not his favorite piece of dance attire.

Let’s put it this way: He likes dance belts better. In fact, I bought him a new brand of dance belt made out of a cotton blend and with a bit wider strap up the buttocks (or booty…if you look up the definition of the word), and he told me that it was “comfy.” He wouldn’t say that about booty shorts. In fact, here’s what he had to say about the borrowed pair he is wearing (he refused to let me buy him a pair of his own — he won’t own a pair): “They are uncomfortable, ride up my butt, make me feel naked, and I hate them.”

That said, it doesn’t matter how he feels about them — or in them, for that matter — he’ll be wearing them this weekend in one number performed three times. And I’ll get to see just how cute he looks in them. (Now, I have to ‘fess up that tonight — actually after I had already posted this — he came home and admitted they were “comfortable.” So, just like a dance belt, I guess he has gotten used to them. Next thing you know, we’ll be buying a pair…Just you wait and see.)

On another subject, he has decided to give up summer camp to go to American Ballet Theatre’s summer dance intensive. That was really a no brainer. Now I just have to figure out how to afford it and where we will stay. The 25% scholarship, which I have been told should be relished since any ABT scholarships are not given out freely, helps but is not nearly enough to make this affordable. Of course, being the good dance mom that I am, I will make this happen.

I did, however, go through a very bad (and probably perimenopausal hormonal day) feeling terrible that my husband and I messed around with Julian’s summer plans by ever even suggesting that he audition for ABT’s summer intensive. I was crying and depressed and feeling horrible about putting him in a position of having to choose between one last year of summer camp with his friends and this dance program. (Now, of course, I had told my husband not long ago that the money spent on summer camp would buy a lot of dancing, and Julian would be better off dancing, but I still felt terrible that he had to choose between the two.) 

Julian was very brave and adult about it, and said that maybe the reason he missed so much of camp last year (when he was sick) was to make it easier this year to make this choice. I guess my “there must be a reason for everything” attitude really has rubbed off on him! We decided that he probably doesn’t feel quite as attached or connected to those friends since he spent only two weeks with them rather than four, and that did, indeed, make it a bit easier to decide on ABT rather than camp. He, himself, did say that camp was “just a small bit of time” compared to ABT, which would “affect his whole life.” Now…camp does affect him considerably, but ABT will change his attitudes, perfect his dancing, open his eyes to the dance opportunities available to him — and to the world of other male dancers out there.

Also, in another year or two, he might not make it into the ABT summer intensive. Ballet is not his primary focus, and as these boys get older, the competition for getting into this program (or any program) gets tougher. He’ll be auditioning in another age group in two years. Even next year, there’s no gaurantee that he would once again get selected for New York. So, he said, “I better go now.”

Which means I’ll probably be going, too. I used to work in Manhattan. I’m kind of looking forward to it!

Next post: More Opportunities Julian Can’t Take Advantage Of…

ABT Summer Ballet Intensive: What’s a Boy to Do?

We thought Julian had his summer all planned out: Back to Jewish camp for four weeks, something he had his heart set on, especially after missing almost half of his session last year when he came down with what was later diagnosed as Relapsing Fever. This was to be his last summer not spent focusing on dance. He’d keep taking dance classes after that at Teen Dance Company and participate in their summer intensive.

Right.

But we, his parents, couldn’t leave well enough alone. We kept thinking, “He should be dancing,” and we decided he should at least audition for some summer programs so he could (1) see what the auditions were like, and (2) see how he fared against the other dancers — in particular the boys. So, we planned on taking him to two auditions, one for Alonzo King’s Lines Ballet, a contemporary company with which he’d really like to get involved, and American Ballet Theatre, which offers programs in several places around the country, including Irving, CA (where we thought he might get in even though it was for “advanced” students) and New York City (their premier program that includes classes specifically for boys).

Well, we couldn’t get to the Lines audition, because Julian had rehearsals that day for his upcoming Second Stage show at Teen Dance Company. We had to reschedule for next month. We did make it to the ABT audition, though, along with four other boys and about 86 girls. A week later, we got an email: Julian had been accepted into the NYC program and awarded a 25% merit scholarship. We couldn’t believe it. We didn’t know if he’d even get into Irvine, but he’d also put NYC down as his first choice on the application. Ultimately, ABT makes the decision about where you are placed, however.

Now our world has turned upside down. To go to camp or to NYC, that is the question.

In a very mature fashion — and with fellow ballet dancers telling him they’ll “kill him if he doesn’t go,” Julian says he thinks he will pass on camp and take advantage of this opportunity. Camp is just a fleeting four weeks never to be repeated again. ABT summer intensive will make him a better dancer for life. But…we have to figure out if we can afford it (Even with the scholarship it is expensive, and we have to add in airline tickets, housing — not provided, food, etc.), where we will stay, how he will be chaperoned, if my daughter can do without me for six weeks (since I’ll be chaperoning), if my daughter can get her driver’s license by then (since she will need to get to her summer internship every day), and, oh, so many more logistics. Not to mention that my husband could be without a job at that point…

Well, it’s all very exciting and nerve wracking. And we are so surprised, and Julian feels very fortunate. His ballet teacher, Mark Foehringer, says that this is exactly what he needs, because it is a formal program (which does seem to have classes in a variety of dance styles, by the way, including yoga and how to prevent injury) and offers him a chance to be in a boys’ class with at least 35 other excellent male dancers. This will push him, I’m sure, to be better. Boys thrive on being with other boys and competing with them. Julian has never been in a class with more than three other boys at a time, I don’t think.

You might wonder why he has chosen a ballet program, when he has said he doesn’t want to be a ballet dancer. He knows that ballet remains the foundation of all the types of dance he wants to do, and contemporary is high on his list. Plus, he says that if he can’t get a job in another style of dance, he’d like to be able to apply for a job in a ballet company. Not a bad strategy, I don’t think. I’m not sure if it’s possible to take that route, but I guess we’ll find out.

All that said, poor Julian is again faced with another choice to make. We keep telling him choices are a good thing, but to him it’s always about giving up one thing he wants for another thing he wants, which means missing out on something. In this case, giving up camp means giving up being with the group of friends that has always accepted him. He’s always felt comfortable with them and like he could be himself — even though he was a dancer. He’s never had that anywhere else. He has it with a few friends now in high school, but camp was always his safe haven from the turmoil of social life at school.

However, as a mother I can say that when I see him with other dancers, such as at the ABT audition, that’s when he’s really in his element and most comfortable. That’s when he’s “Julian” through and through.  Not surprising really.

We have to decide soon what he will do. I”ll keep you posted. And take my advice, leave well enough alone unless you are willing to deal with the ramifications!

Check here for my next blog post on Julian’s adventures wearing bootie shorts — his worst nightmare becomes a reality!

The New Year Brings Opportunities, Choices and a Search for Summer Dance Programs and Tights

Sorry for the lapse in blog posts. I’ve been sick on and off for about two weeks now. My husband had a cough. Then Julian got stuffed up. Then I came down with a fever and a rash and about five days later a full blown cold. Now my daughter has it, too.  Anyway, the new year at our house started out with a bunch of germs rather than a bang.

It also, however, started out with another performance opportunity for Julian. He’s been asked by the director of Los Gatos Ballet, who also directed the San Jose Dance Theater Nutcracker performance in which he performed, to be in a production of Copellia. I guess Marcie Ryken liked his performance enough to want him in her next production. Julian is happy to go back and dance with the lovely girls at LGB.

Not only that, he’s going to be taking class from, Maximo Califano, a principal dancer with Ballet San Jose. It seems Marcie has asked him to teach a pas de deux class on Monday nights, and she has asked Julian to come take this class — free of charge. Well, she does need someone to partner with the girls, after all. I’ve been told Maximo can be quite charming as a teacher — at least to the women, but Julian has found him less than charming to work with in productions. We’ll see how he behaves to Julian in class.

Now, Julian being in this production of Copellia is dependent upon Teen Dance Company saying it is okay for him to have a technical rehearsal and a performance on the Thursday and Friday just before the technical rehearsal week of their big end of the year production. We are still waiting for their decision… I hate not being able to make decisions for ourselves.

Then there are the summer activity decisions. Julian insists he wants to go back to his Jewish summer camp one last time, especially since last year his illness caused him to miss half the session. That’s a whole month of the summer gone — no dancing. Well, actually, the session he will be attending is an arts session, and he could dance if he wanted to.  While we really don’t have the money this year for camp (although we are going to find some way to pay for it, I guess.) let alone a dance intensive, we took him this past weekend to San Francisco to audition for the American Ballet Theatre summer intensive, which is held in a variety of cities. Attending is totally dependant upon him getting a scholarship. Also, if he by some chance was chosen to go to New York, which is doubtful since it’s their premier program, he couldn’t go to his camp. If he was selected to go to Southern California, he’ll miss the summer intensive at Teen Dance Company and its auditions, not to mention the first audition for a piece of choreography.

Oh, the choices these young kids have to make…or worry about making before they even know if the choices are viable.

Julian is also going to audition for Alonzo King’s Lines Ballet and San Francisco Conservatory of Dance summer intensive programs, although, again, we attending may be totally dependent upon being offered a scholarship. We figure the audition process is worth going through, and it will be interesting to simply see if he makes it into any of the programs, where he is placed if he does get chosen, and if he does qualify for a merit scholarship. Then, he can choose…or not.

I hate the fact that kids have to make so many choices, and that so many things seem to overlap. I always seem to have something going on at the same time that that one or both of my kids have some big event happening. It’s amazing really, how often that happens. It’s like some Ultimate schedule coordinator just likes to see me get frustrated about the things I can’t do and the choices I have to make. And If I get frustrated, imagine our kids making similar decisions and choices when faced with the same types of schedule conflicts.

He did enjoy the audition, though. There were 86 girls and 5 boys. He said he had fun. He wasn’t stressed at all. He knew several of the girls and made friends with one of the boys — the one he said seemed like the most serious dancer. It was fun to see him there looking so much in his element with the other dancers. I think he never feels that comfortable or that much like himself anywhere other than at a dance studio filled with other dancers. It makes me wish he’d gone to a performing arts school, although the closest one is in San Francisco, almost an hour and a half away.

We had to get two letters of recommendation for the audition and show up with a head shot and a photo of him in a particular ballet position. We also brought a resume of his experience, even though they didn’t ask for it. They’ll let us know in a week if he made it into a program.

On another note, we are on a major search for ballet tights that fit. The ones Julian has been wearing for a year, which we order from Discount Dance Wear’s catalogue, no longer fit him correctly. So…we have to find some other ones somewhere. We’ve already had these other ones shipped to us in two different sizes, and no I have to start from scratch. He’s down to just one pair of tights at the moment.

If anyone has leads on good boys ballet tights (the kind that go over the foot), please send along the information! Post your comments after this blog so everyone else can see the links and information as well. It’s so hard to find dance wear for boys, as we all know.

On that note, if you haven’t noticed, I have not upped the price on my daughter’s T-shirts for boys yet. So, take advantage of the fact that they are still being offered at a reduced cost.

New Year’s Resolutions for Boys and Young Men Who Dance

S0, 2009 has arrive, but not much has changed in the life of my son, the dancer. He’s back in school and getting ready for midterms. He has to practically ace all his tests to bring up his grades, and he’s facing missing dance for a week at a time if he doesn’t turn in all his work. He’s also back to the grind of weekly dance classes minus Nutcracker rehearsals every Saturday evening and Sunday morning (thank God!). The only other change revolves around Teen Dance Company gearing up for its first big show the last weekend in January. (If you live in the Bay area and want to attend, go to http://www.teendancecompany.org/ to purchase tickets.)

Although I’m (obviously) not a male dancer, I thought now might be an appropriate time to offer up some dance resolutions boys and young men might want to consider taking on for themselves in the New Year. If anyone has any other suggestions, feel free to add them as comments to this post.

10 New Year’s Resolutions for Boys and Young Men Who Dance

1. Pick one dance-related issue to focus on in class each week. For example, toe point, hip alignment or use of arms. This helps you improve gradually in many areas without feeling overwhelmed and as if you have to focus on many things at one time.
2. Stretch an extra 15 minutes per day, especially the areas of the body that are most problematic. The more stretching you do, the more flexible you become.
3. Strengthen feet and ankles using bands and balls. (See article in  Dance Teacher magazine written by me!) Your feet and ankles hold your body weight. They have to be strong and supple.
4. Take class in an area of dance that is new or in which you need more work. It’s important to become a versatile dancer even if you intend on specializing in one area. Even ballet companies these days are looking for dancers with varied abilities.
5. Attend at least eight professional or pre-professional performances over the next 12 months. Watching other dancers not only serves as a motivational took but also helps you realize what you need to work on and improve. Seeing other forms of dance also enlarges your view on the possibilities available to you as a dancer.
6. Choreograph a dance. This will give you a new appreciation for choreographers and help you develop an important skill you may find invaluable if you one day cannot dance.
7. If you feel uncomfortable about the fact that you are a male dancer, find one strategy for simply telling your peers about your interest and involvement in dance that makes you feel more comfortable or for dealing with being teased or feeling “different.”
8. Audition for a part in a dance-related production. You don’t have to even accept the part if offered. You do have to learn how to audition – and how to accept rejection. And if you get the part, you’ll gain performance experience.
9. Help another male dancer, especially if he is struggling in any way – emotionally, physically, psychologically -because of his choice to dance. Only guys know what it is like to be a male dancer; help each other out, but don’t force your views (especially sexual views) on anyone else. It’s nice not to feel so alone.
10. Simply work harder in class. This means not just waving arms and legs around but really working those muscles! (If you don’t understand the difference, ask your teacher to show you.) Most kids don’t really know how to work hard; they think they are working hard in class, but they really aren’t. Someone has to show them the difference.

Last, but not least: HAVE FUN! Dancing should be fun. My eldest son was home recently and watched Julian during a tap dance rehearsal and commented on how Julian never stopped smiling. We both said we wished we could be that happy doing our jobs. A job dancing can be an awesome thing in that respect. Dancer’s get to do what they love every day and, while it is hard work, they get to enjoy themselves and feel truly fabulous about themselves and the art they produce.