Photos are Up, Evaluations are Coming

Things have been pretty quiet on the dance scene this week. The kids got their photos back on Tuesday and were SOOOO excited. They were displayed on the wall – they always put the whole company’s photos up for the whole year along with a poster of the whole company together. I have to admit that they are really beautiful head shots and the action shots are amazing.

Julian’s head shot is very nice, and his action shot – a toe touch – is pretty superb, I must say even if he is my son.

For us, all this has been overlaid with a bit of worry, however, about this coming Saturday, which is when the kids receive their evaluations. They have to turn in one of their own and then they also receive evaluations from the faculty. Julian would, of course, like to hear that he is getting moved up in his modern class, but we know the teacher doesn’t think he is ready. I’m worried that my husband will bite off everyone’s head and make going to the studio generally unpleasant every after.

So, I’m just really looking forward to Saturday. Maybe I could come dressed as the invisible woman? It will be just the day after Halloween after all.

By the way, Julian is dressing as a pimp for Halloween. Yes, a pimp. It seems that since he is always surrounded by girls at school, those very same girls thought he should “disguise” himself as a pimp on October 31st. Nice.

Happy Halloween. I’ll fill you in on what I hope won’t be a horror story after the dance evaluations are over.

I’ve Got A Male Dancer, So Treat Him Like A Prince

My husband and I were discussing my son’s treatment at his current dance studio. It’s been a constant source of conversation since September, and with student evalutations coming up this weekend, it’s a hot topic. I cautioned him not to sound like one of those parents who think their son should get special treatment just because he is a boy. Or, even worse, not to be one of the parents who insists his son be treated like a prince – and like someone with extraordinary talent – just because he is a boy or because he is, indeed, talented.

It’s a fine line with boys. Young male dancers are few and far between, and it’s true that studios should be jumping up and down and bending over backwards to get them in the door and to keep them there. On the other hand, I’m not so sure that accomplishing that means treating them differently, at least not as if they are “special.” Yes, give them boys’ classes and teach them boy things, but don’t say they are special and give them special treatment.

Now, my husband’s attitude is this: Our son has some talent. When, for instance, the Billy Elliot people were rounding up local boys to audition in San Francisco and called some local studios, whose name were they given? My son’s name. When we went to regional competitions, out of the boys competiting in my son’s age group, who always won a good number of the awards? My son. In other words, my husband says, Julian probably is one of the better young male dancers in the Bay Area. Not the best by far (we’ve seen some pretty good ones out there). But one of the better dancers. So, any studio should be happy to have him and should be treating him specially.

Or, at the very least, they should be working hard to keep him happy and to develop his talent. What my husband sees is that Julian is treated “just like everyone else,” and he doesn’t like that. 

Ah…and why shouldn’t Julian be treated just like everyone else – boys and girls?

Now, I’m playing devil’s advocate here, because as his mom I surely don’t want him treated like everyone else. I want him treated specially. I want someone to see his talent. I want someone to single him out and give him extra attention and help him draw out that talent and become succcessful. Yet, I can see from a dance studio owner’s perspective that you have to treat everyone equally. (Plus, you wouldn’t want to give these boys big heads!)

That said, I’m going to go back to my interview with Denise Wall of Denise Wall’s Dance Energy, which was published in the October issue of Dance Teacher magazine. She does something really unique. She spends time with each and every student getting to know them. She figures out how they think. She understands them. And she teaches them from that place of having a real relationship with them. So, when a student doesn’t know how to get her leg to move in a certain way, she creates imagery unique to that student to her accomplish the task at hand. If the student needs to put more feeling into the dance, she helps him draw on the issues in his individual life to find the emotion.

Not every teacher at every studio has the time to do that. Denise’s studio isn’t large, but it isn’t tiny either. The studio where Julian dances is actually a “company.” It isn’t open to the public for classes; only the kids who audition for the company and make it take classes there all year long. This year the company only has 22 kids. So, here’s my argument: The teachers should take the time to get to know those 22 kids inside and out. That should be part of the program. Then each and every one of them could be treated as “special.”

And when it comes to the boys – there are just two, their needs and interests and talents should be addressed in a special manner. Sorry. It’s true. That’s how I feel. These boys are in some way special by the sheer fact that they have chosen to be dancers. Someone needs to nurture them along and help them achieve their goals. Someone has to see them as special and treat them as such. They need that if they are to get past the tough early years as a male dancer. That’s not to say they don’t need to be toughened up to the rough, real dance world. But there is time enough for that.

Now, as a parent, I would hope that I don’t have to storm into the studio and demand special treatment for my kid, and I guess that’s not really what I’m asking for. I’m not saying, “I’ve got a male dancer, so treat him like a prince.” (I’m not even sure that’s what my husband is saying.) I think what I’m saying is this: “I’ve got a male dancer, so see him as the really unique and special person he is. Recognize his talent, if he has any, and make him a prince. He’s got a desire to be great, now help him learn how to be great. And show me how you are going to do that. Prove to me that you are doing that.”

And if they can’t do that – or won’t, then I guess it’s time to look for another studio or other teachers who will appreciate the male dancer I’ve got. Otherwise, my only choice is to jump up and down and demand it, and I still might not get what I want or what my son deserves.

You know, my son may not always behave like a prince, but when he’s on that stage dancing, he often looks like a prince to me and to his father. All we ask is that the people who work with him every day in the dance studio see him through our eyes…as someone with the potential to be a prince in the dance world…and help him acquire that crown.

Books for Young Boys Who Dance

Recently, I came across a list of books for young boys who dance (while trying to see if I could find my blog on Google by searching for “boys dance”…to no avail). I never knew there were so many books available for young boys who dance. Julian is much too old for them now, but I wish I’d know about them when he was 3-8 or so. 

Before posting the list, which comes from Amazon.com, I have to say this: As a writer, and aspiring nonfiction book author, I encourage you not to buy these books from Amazon, but, instead, to purchase them from your local bookseller – the smaller the better.  First, Internet bookstores threaten to put your local booksellers out of business. Second, Amazon, along with its subsidiary, BookSurge (a Print-on-demand publishing company), is trying to create a monopoly in the print-on-demand industry. They are forcing authors to use BookSurge under threat of not having a “buy button” available on Amazon. That means that authors who use another print-on-demand publisher, or some other type of self-publishing method, will not be able to sell their books on Amazon as they have been able to do in the past. I do not support their efforts. I hope you won’t either by boycotting Amazon whenever possible. Ask your local bookseller to order these books for you…

Anyway, after that lecture, I’ve included the titles below:

 

1.     The Only Boy in Ballet Class by Denise Gruska 

2.     Ballerino Nate by Kimberly Brubaker Bradley

3.      Dancing Larry by Daniel Manus Pinkwater

4.     Song and Dance Man by Karen Ackerman

5.     Alvin Ailey by Andrea Pinkney

6.     Knockin’ on Wood: Starring Peg Leg Bates by Lynne

7.     Happy Feet: The Savoy Ballroom Lindy Hoppers and Me by Richard Michelson

8.     Dancing to Freedom: The True Story of Mao’s Last Dancer by Li Cunxin

9.      The Dancer Who Flew: A Memoir of Rudolf Nureyev by Linda Maybarduk

10.   Sparks Fly High: The Legend of Dancing Point by Mary Quattlebaum

11.  Oliver Button Is a Sissy by Tomie dePaola

12.   Sailor Boy Jig by Margaret Wise Brown

13.   The Dancing Tiger by Malachy

14.   James the Dancing Dog by Linda Maybarduk

15.   Another Celebrated Dancing Bear by Gladys Scheffrin-Falk

16.   Frank Was a Monster Who Wanted to Dance by Keith Graves

17.   The Boy Who Wanted to be a Dancer by Rod Gambassi

18.   Rap A Tap Tap (Coretta Scott King Illustrator Honor Books) by Leo Dillon

19.   Jose! Born to Dance: The Story of Jose Limon (Tomas Rivera Mexican-American Children’s Book Award (Awards)) by Susanna Reich

20.   Brothers of the Knight (Picture Puffin Books) by Debbie Allen

21.   Max (Reading Rainbow Book) by Rachel Isadora

22.   Dumpy La Rue (Owlet Book) by Elizabeth Winthrop

23.   Boy, Can He Dance! by Eileen Spinelli

24.   Papa Lucky’s Shadow by Niki Daly

25.   Flying Feet: A Story of Irish Dance by Anna Marlis Burgard

26.   Savion!: My Life in Tap by Savion Glover

27.   Pepito’s Story by Eugene Fern

28.   Peter Penny’s Dance by Janet Quin-Harkin

29.   Dancing To America by Ann Morris

30.   What If They Saw Me Now? by Jean Ure

31.   Arthur Mitchell by Tobi Tobias

And here is the Amazon list: http://www.amazon.com/Dance-Boys-Dancers-Young-Readers/lm/R1ANTS56BK46X2. It says you can access more titles as well.

I am not endorsing any of these books. I have not read them. That said, I’d go for the ones that don’t involve animals. I’d want my young son reading about other real boys or men who dance.

No One Likes to Change, Least of All Boys

If you thought I disappeared into the Internet ethers, you’re wrong. I was tied to my keyboard by another writing project. I was asked last minute and given three days to write a cover piece for Movmnt magazine on magician Criss Angel’s newest collaboration with Cirque du Soleil and choreographer Wade Robson. It’s an amazing show called Believe in Las Vegas. (If anyone wants to donate some tickets to me, I’ll take them. After this I could use a Vegas vacation with my family, and my daughter wants to see the Vegas Cirque water show, too.)  You might have seen a preview of Believe on So You Think You Can Dance last summer. If not, you still can by watching this Youtube video of the number I think is called “Homage.” It’s classic Robson…

And that’s where I’ve been until 2 a.m. two nights in a row leaving only to become a chauffeur to my son. My daughter is busy at school being the personal costume attendant to Cyrano in the school’s production of Cyrano de Bergerac – also responsible for putting his nose on and off – and also head costume designer/attendant. She only needs pick up at 11:30 p.m., and my husband has been doing that after picking up Julian at 8 p.m. or later.

If you don’t know Movmnt magazine, you might want to check it out. It’s the creation of international journalist David Benaym and Danny Tidwell (of SYTYCD fame). It’s full of interesting articles on all sorts of things related to pop culture, including the most up and coming dancers and choreographers. The next time you visit the Movmnt website, you’ll find the cover featuring the Believestory I wrote! And inside, I can tell you (Shhhh! Don’t tell anyone you heard it hear…) you’ll also find a piece on a former Billy Elliot from the musical - if you want to read about a young male dancer/singer who made it.

By the way, the current issue of Dance Spirit has an article on the boys of Billy Elliot. Julian auditioned…made it through to the last audition and was kept for two hours instead of 30 minutes. We were sure he had gotten the part. But he sure doesn’t look like those kids…he’s got peach fuzz on his lip and his voice is changing. We figure that’s why he wasn’t chosen. They did a time line on these kids and figured out when they’d begin to not look like kids. Julian doesn’t look like a kid. Well, that’s our rationalization on him not being selected anyway. (Couldn’t be that he wasn’t good enough – although his singing could have used some help!)

Be sure to click on the link for Dance Spirit; there’s a great video there of Alex Wong dancing to a piece called “Capture of the Tiger.” (I can’t say Julian looks that good yet…but he wants to look that good.)

Which brings me to my point: He’s over his “thing” about not wanting to change how he was taught to do ballet. (See my last post on October 18 and the great comment posted by Nichelle Strzepek. Check out her website and blog at http://danceadvantage.wordpress.com/. She posted one about my blog here.) I guess he just needed to moan and groan and complain and be stuck for a while.

We all do that to some extent. No one really likes to change. And, after all, he worked hard for three years to get his hands to do that thing they do when they move from  one position to another and to get his head to tilt like that. Of course, he’s going to balk at first about being told to change. Boys do tend to be a bit more stubborn than some other kids…at least Julian is more stubborn an ornery than his sister, Ariel, by far.

But we’ve heard it from more than one person that we’ve asked by now that these really are just “stylistic” aspects of ballet. Many schools of ballet exists with different “styles,” and it’s good to learn all of them. In fact, we were told that the style he learned, Bournonville, is one of the hardest and could be called the “Irish dancing of ballet.” We also heard it called “ballet in a box.” That’s nice… He was told, “Now that you know how to do it, put it on a shelf and learn something else. Take it down if you ever need it again.” Lovely. Glad I spent all that money and he spent three years of his time and effort learning that method.

The fact of the matter is, Julian actually does have good ballet technique. Everyone says so. He has a some things to work on, but for a 14-year old, he looks pretty good. And, now that he’s over his fit of loyalty to his past teachers and his stubbornness over not wanting to change, he can move on.

I guess that’s a sign of maturity. It goes with that fuzz on his lips and the deepening voice if not the lousy grades and tears that come so easily still. He’s a boy in an ever-more manly body. Change…it happens to the best of us even when we aren’t looking and when we are. It happens when it’s forced upon us or when we choose it willingly. It just happens.

Ballet Corrections: Just One Person’s Preference?

Julian has been studying ballet since he was 3 years old. That means this boy has been in ballet tights for 11 years. For the last three years he was enrolled in an intensive program at Ballet San Jose School that required him to take three hours of ballet at a minimum six days a week. (Gotta give the boy some credit given that he didn’t want to be a professional ballet dancer but knew he needed the technique to be a good all around dancer…)

Now we have always felt that he received good training there, and we have recently had that confirmed by some other teachers. He took a master class with Augusta Moore from San Francisco’s ODC and she commented on his ballet technique (and general talent). Additionally, when he began dancing in the Nutcracker, the choreographer and director Marcie Ryken of Los Gatos Ballet also mentioned that he had good technique (and was talented…sorry…couldn’t resist).

So, why am I telling you all of this? I’m not just bragging. Every day when Julian goes to ballet class at Teen Dance Company, Mark Foehringer corrects his technique. It seems he doesn’t like some of the technique Julian learned at Ballet San Jose School, which is based on the Bournonville Technique, which comes out of Denmark. Indeed, the ballet mistress and school director, Lise LaCour, as well as the male teacher they hired last year, Peter Brandenhoff , both come out of the Bournonville school of ballet.  So, for three years he has primarily learned this style. Well, one year he had a lousy ballet teacher a few days a week (hired by the school), who taught a different style, and occasionally they have Ballet San Jose company members who teach class (always a thrill), but, in general, the Bournonville style was what he learned.

Now I noticed that Julian’s technique – how he held his head when he moved his arm a certain way, for example – was corrected by a Russian ballet teacher brought in for a master class as well. So, what does this mean? Julian said, “The Russian ballet dancers don’t do it that way. They hold their head another way.” Does this mean each country has its own ballet technique? Is one correct and one incorrect?

And Mark seems to want Julian to move his hands in a less flowing manner and in a way that Julian feels is stiffer. Does each ballet instructor have his or her own preference? There’s a difference between preference, which may come down to style, as opposed to technique. And if it actually is an issue of technique, is one technique simply right and another simply wrong?

As far as Julian is concerned, his technique is fine. (Well, not in ever situation, but the things that Mark constantly corrects – and gets angry at him for not fixing – he feels he is doing correctly.) In fact, he says he knows he is doing them correctly, because he’s doing them the way he was taught by Ms. LaCour and Mr. Brandenhoff, and they no longer corrected him on these particular issues. So there.

This presents a quandary. I know it’s important to be able to adapt your dance style to that of any teacher of choreographer, but should a dancer also adapt his or her technique? I might have to seek out a professional for the answer to this question…In the meantime, however, my son is left at the barre feeling very frustrated – and angry – that his teacher continues to correct him for something he is sure he is doing correctly, and his teacher continues to get angry and frustrated at him for not making the correction.  As you can imagine, this does not make him eager to go to ballet class three times a week for an hour and a half each time. And I bet Julian’s lack of compliance doesn’t make him Mark’s favorite ballet student.

Talk, Talk, Talk, Dance, Dance, Dance

Despite the fact that Julian hasn’t had much luck over the years with friends, he’s a very social creature. Being a dancer, has made it hard for him to fit in socially, however. Most young male dancers experience this.

For a really social kid like Julian, being accepted anywhere makes him very excited. And when he’s excited, he wants to express himself.  In other words, he wants to talk. In his new dance company, he is not only accepted, the 22 kids are like a little family, chatting and texting and hugging all the time.

They have to tone things down when they get into class or when a choreographer arrives. Well…they try. Yesterday, I guess Julian didn’t try hard enough. Ehud Kraus was telling them from the first minute he entered the studio to be quiet.

Yesterday, Ehud was there to work on his piece of choreography. I thought Ehud  liked Julian quite well. He jokes with him, even asked the last time he came to TDC how come Julian had never shown up in his studio and offered him a card and told him to come take a class some time. They have a Jewish connection; they talk about Jewish holidays and he calls him a “nudnik,” (we thought affectionately…).

Afterwards, Ehud told me, seriously, “You know Julian is a nudnik (someone irritating or a pain in the rear).”

I replied, “I know.” I thought he was joking again. Then I asked, “Is he a nudnik in a bad way?”

“He talks all the time,” he said. “To himself…to others.”

“Should I chastise him?” I asked jokingly.

He said, “You should discipline him.”

Oh, oh…time to get serious. After class I told Julian, “I don’t know what you were doing in there, but it’s time to stop joking around with Ehud and take him seriously and to stop talking when you are in a session with him.”

Well, Julian got upset (I won’t say how upset…) and said, “I’m not talking that much.” Okay…this mom doesn’t believe everything her son tells her. Julian tends to always tell the same story. He’s pretty good at denial. He went on: “Some of the other kids kept asking for help, and my group would go over to help, and then Ehud would look over at us and yell, ‘Julian, stop talking! Be quiet!’”

So, who’s story is correct?  My sensitive little son believes he was wronged. Ehud believes my kid was a disruption.

I know that he can get overly excited…by a teacher who seems friendly and fun…by kids who are accepting and desiring of his attention and help…by simply dancing with other kids.

I also know that his feelings were hurt. (Actually, it’s pretty amazing how our sons, who appear to have such hard shells on the outside, are such softies on the inside. Well, I’ve always known this about Julian, who is as sensitive a kid as they come.) He felt singled out when he wasn’t the only one doing something wrong. Could it be that in this case a boy stands out as a trouble maker? Are the girls seen as the “good” ones and the boys as “bad” ones? Are the girls the well-behaved students who are quiet, proper and subdued and the boys the overly active, rambunctious and loud students — and, therefore, the ones assumed to be causing a problem?

Or could it be that because Julian has a relationship with Ehud…because of the connection he formed with Ehud, he was singled out…expected to behave differently?

Or, dare I say it, could my son – yes, my lovely, well-behaved son – have simply spent more time goofing off and talking during the choreography session than working hard? (It wouldn’t be the first time.) I wouldn’t doubt it for a minute. (Does that make me a bad mom?)

In any case, our discussion escalated into Julian complaining about only being told what he does wrong rather than what he does right when he is at TDC…Ah, you can see where this is going. It wasn’t pretty or pleasant.

Another long drive home with a sniffling, upset kid, and  me wondering why I spend my time driving back and forth to the studio and paying tons of hard-earned money for “this.”

Patience: A Virtue Lost on Boys Who Dance

Julian has never been one to wait for anything. Like most boys – or maybe kids in general – patience represents a virtue lost on him. He rushes headlong through his dance education every chance he gets.  He is impatient. He wants to move up, move forward.  Luckily, his teachers tend to slow him down.

His old tap teacher, Anthony LoCascio (of Tap Dogs fame), kept him in a slower-paced class even though he was able to move up to the harder class so he would get the technique correct first. The same was true in ballet, whenLise LaCour wouldn’t let Julian move up to level 4 as quickly as he wanted at Ballet San Jose School even though he even asked her specifically to move him up.  She wanted him to develop his muscles and improve his technique. Now he’s being held back at Teen Dance Company as well. He can do the higher level dance classes – and he’s even more challenged by them, but they want him to get the basics in the disciplines he hasn’t yet learned (modern and contemporary.

This leads me to some information I was given by Denise Wall of Denise Wall’s Dance Energy in Virginia Beach, VA, and mother to some great dancing boys – Travis Wall and Danny Tidwell of So You Think You Can Dancefame. First of all, she doesn’t let anyone move up to a higher level class in her studio unless they are ready. Not only that, she sends her ballet students down to lower levels. She says once they begin to understand how to use their muscles correctly, they can practice this in the lower level classes, relearn the technique and become better dancers. They understand the moves better, you see… This allows them to perform them with a new consciousness and to enhance their ability, making them stronger and cleaner dancers.

Basically, she says that younger dancers simply don’t understand how to use their muscles correctly. (I argue that most dancers never learn how to use their muscles correctly. They actually don’t know how to use their muscles specifically in the way Wall teaches. She agrees, saying, “If you don’t get it eventually, for you to become a professional is going to be hard, because you aren’t going to be controlled. You have to make it look like it is easy.”)  For this reason, she says, “Everyone has to go back to the basics, even your advanced students.” When they do this, they learn to control those muscles, and to activate the correct muscles at the correct time. “Then people will say, ‘That looks so easy for them,’” says Wall.

The key here, moms, lies in finding a teacher that knows how to teach your dancin’ boy how to use his muscles correctly. (I can’t say I’ve found one, but I’m gonna keep looking and possible take Julian to see Denise Wall one day.) The teacher needs to do the following, according to Wall: “Teach every muscle students are supposed to engage for everything they do. And make sure they know what muscle they are supposed to start with. Like with a releve…people just lift their heels up, and that’s not it at all. If you are just lifting your heels up, you are doing so much damage to your Achilles, because all your weight is going back into your heel.”

So, ask your son if he thinks about what muscle to engage when he does a releve. Ask him if he even thinks about it? If not, it’s time to get back to basics!

And keep this in mind when he wants to move up to the higher level class faster than maybe he should. (Yes, Julian…that means you.) This reminds me of the caution we’ve probably all heard when we’ve taken our children to a pool. “Walk, don’t run!”  Sometimes moving slowly simply provides the faster way of arriving at your desired destination – at least when it comes to becoming a professional dancer. Patience can be, if not a virtue, at least something worth developing when it comes to being a male dancer.

What A Boy Wants: Learning to Ask for It

Okay, so I’m a human potential, personal growth advocate. It’s what I promote in my other life – when I’m not managing my son’s dance career and acting as his personal chauffeur, cook, maid and cooley (and being treated as such). (If you want to know more, go to www.purespiritcreations.com.) And I was a New Age junkie, and maybe I still am. (I am.)  I listen to Jack Canfield tapes, author of Chicken Soup for the Soul and many other books, including The Aladdin Factor, a book which is all about asking for what you want.

Needless to say, with this in mind, I’ve been really struggling with the fact that my son won’t speak up and ask for what he wants when it comes to dance. You see, while he did manage to get moved up to the “higher class” on Tuesdays (See ”Is This the Right Dance Studio for My Son?” post) because I asked, on Mondays he really wants to get moved up to the higher ballet and modern classes as well. This desire became especially strong last week when for some reason the whole company – all 21 dancers – were grouped together for both ballet and then modern. When he got into the modern class, he was finally able to participate in some more challenging modern moves. He suddenly he was asked to do combinations and really awesome choreography. He was thrilled, not to mention challenged.

I showed up for the last 10 minutes of the class and watched. He saw me and encouraged the teacher to let them do the choreography at least two more times. I was amazed! He looked great! The choreography required him to do this roll into a leap and he came up maybe four or five feet off the floor! And his technique was beautiful. He may not have performed the combination as well as some of the top dancers but he did it pretty well, I think, from my untrained eye.

He came out of the studio and told me that was the most fun he’d had at Teen Dance Company to date (5 weeks…) and that he also had learned more and felt more challenged than in any other class he’d taken there so far.

I”m sure you can guess what I encouraged him to do: Ask to be moved up. Now, I had already told him I thought he should talk to the teacher, who had said Julian was not ready to move up to the “higher” level class, and ask him to help Julian learn the basics quickly so he could move up before year’s end. After watching Julian dance, I told him to flat out ask if he could move up based on that evening’s performance, but Julian balked. He said, “I’m afraid. I don’t want to make Brian mad or make him feel pressured.”

All right. I conceded and suggested he tell the teacher how he felt about that evening’s class, and say that he REALLY wanted to get into the “higher” class as soon as he could, and what could he do to get there…how could the teacher help him get there. Julian said he “might” do this.

OMG. I felt so frustrated…more frustrated, obviously, than Julian, who I am sure will not ever go talk to Brian about this despite me flapping my jaw about it for about three days straight. So, is it a boy thing? Are boys, who should be so courageous and willing to fight battles, simply unwilling to fight their own battles, or is it just my kid?

If it were me, I’d be asking for what I wanted. I wouldn’t sit in that class another day without at least saying that I loved that other class and I want to know how to get into it ASAP.

As Jack Canfield says, the only way to get what you want is to ask for it. I totally agree.  

Maybe Julian’s unwillingness to ask for what he wants simply comes down to a developmental issue. Maybe he needs to grow up.

I don’t know. I’m sure girls have the same issue…but I have a boy. And it just drives me nuts, because I sure am tired of fighting his battles for him. I want to put down my sword and shield, especially since lately I seem to be defending myself more from his verbal attacks then anything else (ungrateful little you know what…well, I guess that’s an age thing too and my hormones are raging along with his, so I take it way too personally).

In any case, I wish he’s pick up the sword and shield – he used to love playing with them as a kid – and fight his own battle. I wish he’d walk in to that studio with confidence and tell his teacher exactly how much he loved his modern class and simply say, “May I be in the higher class from now on?” What’s the worst that can happen? The teacher says, “No.” As Canfield says, “He won’t be any worse off than before.”

Of course, I’ll have to pick up the pieces and offer a Canfield-like pep talk, but I’m pretty good at that. I forgot to mention that I also serve as my dancing son’s constantly-on-call therapist and life coach.

Scholarships and Free or Discounted Classes for Boys Who Dance

I don’t know about anyone else, but Julian’s dance costs are eating us alive. Two years ago, we really got in over our heads. Julian had two competition numbers on top of his regular classes, and he was competing as an independent, which means we were unaffiliated with a studio. This also meant that every time we wanted him to rehearse we had to pay for rehearsal time with a professional and for studio time. One of his teachers cost us $100 an hour for rehearsals/lessons!  That got really expensive when it turned out he needed time every week to prepare for his upcoming competitions. (And he hated having me be his rehearsal supervisor the rest of the time, but I said, “Tough you know what. I’m free.”) Along with some other expenses we had that year, we got into debt big time.

This year, I’m afraid his dance fees will send us to the poor house. Teen Dance Company (TDC) is not cheap, let me tell you, and it’s real sticker shock after Ballet San Jose School (even without a scholarship). Then there are the fees for the jazz classes he takes on his “off” days, not to mention an extra conventions (The Pulse). We had to cancel his private tap lessons. And I work as a freelancer, so I never know how much money I’ll be making, and paying his bills seems to depend on my income, especially since we’re still paying off all those hospital, doctor and lab bills from his summer illness. (If you know of anyone needing a nonfiction book edited, send them my way…)

Now I’m not even talking about (well…I guess I am) the additional costs for his sister’s art lessons and synchronized swimming team. Between the two of them, we spend well over $1000 a month. That’s disposable income we don’t even have! So, when someone asks my husband or me what we do for fun, I reply, “We don’t have fun. Our kids do!” And that’s the truth. Back to the point…

I have discovered that in some cases, studios are very happy to do whatever it takes to get boys into their classes. We were pleased to have a 50 percent scholarship at Ballet San Jose School for three years; they wanted and needed boys in the school. We were pleased to discover a studio in San Jose, Nor Cal Dance arts, that offered a 50 percent discount on classes – any classes – to boys. Unfortunately, Julian wasn’t able to take many classes there, although I was impressed with some of the teachers.  So, it’s worth asking if a studio will offer your son a scholarship, or if they offer discounts for male dancers.

In a recent article in the New York Times, Peter Martins, ballet master in chief of New York City Ballet and chairman of faculty at the School of American Ballet, talked about actually allowing boys into his program for free so he’d have enough boys to fill a class. Here’s what the article said:

For the 2007-8 year the children’s division accepted 46 percent of boys and 22 percent of girls who auditioned. The program waives tuition for all boys older than 7 while they are in the children’s division, no questions asked. It’s an offer not available to the more abundant crop of girls.

I think the ballet world tends to more inclined to offer free and discounted rates for boys, however, than general studios. When Julian was on a dance team at a local studio, we were unable to get any sort of discount. And now that he is with TDC, we were unable to obtain a scholarship. TDC is a non-profit corporation, funded by individual donations, grants from private foundations and ticket sales, so I guess their money tends to be tight. They only give scholarships when they have a really big company, and right now it’s pretty small.

I’ve been disappointed to find that more studios don’t offer discounts for boys. They complain that they don’t have enough boys and they can’t attract boys to their studios, but they aren’t willing to really go out of their way to get them in the door. I suppose they aren’t willing to put money behind their desire to get them in the door.

That’s really pretty unfortunate, but when it’s all said and done, we mom’s with boys who dance really need to find the best studio and the best teachers for our boys. So, in the end it doesn’t really come down to the money at all. If it did, I wouldn’t be spending the outrageous amount I’m now spending for Julian to be with TDC. It sure would be nice to find a studio that wants to discount the rate for boys or offer a great scholarship and provide them with a top-notch dance education.

It is my understanding that many colleges will provide male dancers with great scholarships – sometimes close to a full ride. They really do want the boys in their dance programs, and they are willing to put money behind that desire. So, as my husband puts it, we are investing in our son’s college education now. We may not be putting any money “away” into his college fund, but we are, indeed, investing towards his college education every day, every month. Just look at our checkbook and you’ll see…

How to Wear a Dance Belt (Or What A Mom Might Have to Teach Her Dancing Boy…)

Okay…well…I really didn’t want to get into this, but I’ve been encouraged on by my faithful reader, Queenie, and, by my son, Julian. Yes, he feels it is very important for me to share the privileged information he received from his ballet teacher, and which, I must add, he was very pleased to receive, so that other boys might not suffer the embarrassment – and pain – of misplaced “stuff” in their dance belts.

First, what is a dance belt? If you haven’t ever seen or heard of this item of dance clothing, its basically a thong for guys who dance. It’s worn under their dance tights, usually in ballet and jazz (or any time a boy or man wears tight-fitting and bun-featuring attire). However, it is not a jock strap. It offers no protection from a girls misplaced foot or partnering turn gone wrong. (In fact, Julian says it makes boys more likely to get hit where it hurts most.) It simply positions the male genitalia in such a way that it is featured in, well, how should I say it?…a neat package. And it shows off the boy’s rear end, which hopefully is nice and muscled, without any “panty lines,” as Queenie says. (If you want to see a picture of a dance belt and hear about another kid’s experience with one, go to her blog, http://theshoestringprince.blogspot.com/2008/10/good-bad-dance-belt.html.)

My son at first hated his dance belt and found it terribly uncomfortable. I wasn’t surprised, being a mom who has shunned the female thong and never understood how women could find that strap up their butt crack comfortable. (Okay, now you probably know more about me than you needed to know.)  However, he wore it to ballet class on a daily basis, as well as in performances, and even in many of his jazz classes.

He did complain that sometimes it chaffed…and he didn’t like being in it for many hours at a time. These days, however, he says he’s used to it and can be in it all day. (I guess that’s what happens to women eventually, too.) But, he has since had some lessons in how to actually position his “stuff,” as he calls it, in the dance belt. (See the comments from yesterday’s blog post. You’ll get a good laugh, I promise.)

Julian was lucky enough to have a male ballet teacher who took pity on him and the one other boy in ballet class and one day took them aside and taught them how to actually position their genitalia in their dance belts. (I cannot imagine a female ballet teacher doing this…) Now, some of you might say, “Oh, no! That’s a really weird thing for a teacher to do!” But, someone had to teach these poor boys how to use those thongs, and I surely didn’t know what to tell Julian and neither did his dad (who wears cotton, baggy boxers – now you know too much about him, too).  And we assumed he was wearing them “correctly.” Little did any of us know that he had his “stuff” hanging too low. In fact, the boys had the dance belts on but all their “stuff” just landed in that little sack at the front however it landed. There was no conscious effort made to position it.

Now think about the male ballet dancers you’ve seen. See them up there on stage, and let your eye travel to the place you are supposed to be avoiding looking at…their crotch. (Oh, you know you’ve looked there before…) Notice that everything is neatly packaged in that dance belt and upfront. Nothing is hanging low or looking messy.

This was not the case for Julian and his ballet buddy. They were packaged up but hanging low and messy to boot. So, their kind and conscientious teacher (and I meant that), who I will not name here (although I’d love to give him credit), took them aside and taught them the fine art of “scoop and swoop.” Yes…dare I say it…once the boy has the dance belt on, he reaches in and scoops up his “stuff” and swoops it upward and positions it front and center. And there it stays.

The boys, of course, had to ask if this was supposed to “make it look bigger.” The answer came back: “No, just neater.”

But we aren’t done with the lesson. I wish we were. Julian informed me that I had to include this last part, but I’m not including the terminology. I refuse. The boys found that once they had their ballet tights over the dance belt, during class the seam on the tights, which are very tight, that ran down the front of the tights would create an indent and find a way to nestle into the crevices of the dance belt. You know, the nooks and crannies that weren’t “filled” with “stuff.” They didn’t like the effect, so they went to their devoted teacher and began to explain what was happening.

He knew immediately what they were talking about and called it by a name I’d rather not mention here, although Julian really wanted me to (Sorry Julian…), and offered them an easy solution. He told them to inconspicuously pinch their tights at that location and pull them out and up, dislodging the seam from the indents in the dance belt.  This is called “pluck and pull.” And then, I suppose (Julian didn’t mention this), pull the tights up some more at the waist.

So, that’s the lesson for today: How to wear a dance belt. I suppose you could try it yourself first…or go buy a thong. Hopefully your son will find a thoughtful and conscientious male teacher who will teach him in an appropriate fashion saving you the trouble. If not, you might have to take on the job yourself. Now at least you’ll know how to instruct him.

If your son has other boys in class wearing dance belts, don’t expect them to teach each other. Julian says its “way too awkward” to offer another guy the instruction he received. I’m sure it was awkward for Julian’s teacher, which is why I really do give him so much credit for having done it. I’m not sure what would happen if a boy asked another boy for instruction…maybe, depending on the boy, he’d get help. It would be worth a try.

(After I wrote this post I did a google search on dance belts and found this, which will surely help some boys in need of manly advice: http://www.dance.net/topic/3887430/1/Guys-Only-PG-13/Everything-you-need-to-know-about-Dance-Belts.html. )